Fidelity
by EphraimHeart
Summary: Mello is being unfaithful and Near decides to do something about it. AU setting, slash but not too deep, language is intermittently coarse (hence the rating) with suicidal events within. Reviews are welcome as are flames. MelloxNear.
**A/N:** **Gosh this is quite exciting. This is the most I've ever written and it has, as expected, taken the longest to write. Safely said this is very much AU and any discrepancy for being out of character seeks to be forgiven.**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own this universe of Ohba and Obata's making. I make no money from this.

* * *

From behind the window pane of their shared apartment on the 7th floor Near stood in the dark , eyes scanning the city streets below him. For a while he did this and for how long he couldn't say, but he figured the food would be cold by now. The sound of a motorcycle revving too hard for its own good awoke him from his trance as he saw it corner the street heading towards the apartment building. Once he'd seen it go under into the parking bays presumably, Near walked towards the armchair facing the cityscape, each muscle and joint agonising at being so stiff for so long.

A few minutes later Mello entered the apartment, and seeing the pitch blackness he thought Near had gone to bed already, but still he called, "Near! I'm home!" When no reply came Mello walked towards the bedroom but found it empty. Curious, Mello then searched the bathrooms next but still no luck. He almost fell over when he peered behind the armchair to see Near dozing off. Relief washed over Mello but he wondered, why couldn't Near hear his panicked calls? Taking a closer look he got his answer: Near had his earmuffs on; he always was sensitive to loud noises…

Gently cradling the pale teen Mello brought Near to the bed and tucked him in, giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead before closing the bedroom door. Opening the microwave oven revealed a cold dinner he was late to eating with Near; again. Guilt crept up Mello's skin, parts of his body remembering the betrayals he's committed over and over again. He was supposed to stop, he meant to, but he couldn't bring himself to walk away from that erotic man, that man who could bring out the worst in him. Oh how he loved what that man did to him. But as soon as he got home Mello would regret it, so he's taken to coming home later and later nowadays, making up excuses so feeble Mello was surprised Near never suspected anything; at least he thought Near didn't.

The next morning Near was up early, he always was anyway, but today Mello was up earlier and was already out of the house. A miniscule part of him hoped it was because Mello had remembered, but that hope was immediately squashed; yesterday brought even more proof of Mello's deception. The incriminating evidence was piling up. So Near settled on a light breakfast: oats, it was to him as everything else was, bland, but that suited him just fine, in fact it suited him best. After all, like goes with like.

But his breakfast was interrupted by the doorbell ringing, which was strange, since nearly nobody would be coming this early in the morning. Upon opening the door Near was faced with a lanky, oddly dressed man. Effeminate, just like himself. And a smoker too, which provided the last clue as to who this person may have been.

"Hey, you gonna invite me inside?" asked the man in between drags of his cigarette.

Near thought it best not to say a word yet, he didn't want to give anything away, he wasn't sure yet; London is full of smokers. But he stepped aside and let him in anyway. And so the man walked into his home, into his inner sanctum - and he was smoking. They stood like that for a few minutes then the man spoke again:

"You know," in his crisp English tones, "Usually by now the guest is offered a drink or something…"

" _This man is not uneducated",_ posited Near.

Slowly, Near padded over the kitchen sink and poured the man a glass of tap water. He may have had better drinks stored elsewhere but he wasn't obligated to show this man any courtesy, he'd done enough by letting him in, plus considering what this man is suspected of…

" _Cheeky brat. Well, time to change tack."_ thought the unnamed man.

"Well, let me just get straight to the point. I don't mind sharing Mels, it's not like he does much with you anyway, but this in between state of things bugs me and I think it'll be much easier on the both of us if you broke it off with Mel, yeah? I promise, I will get Mel to set you up somewhere nice, somewhere as quiet as this and that you'll be looked after, I swear. So let's agree on this okay?"

As if he hadn't said enough to sicken Near, the unnamed man continued, "Just accept it okay? Mello's not right for you, he needs someone who can satisfy his needs, who knows what his likes and dislikes are, someone who can take care of him instead of having to take care of someone else," finished the unnamed man, hands on hips with a haughty stare.

With all his suspicions confirmed, Near felt nauseous, so before he made a complete wreck of himself in front the man who undid him, he walked to the door and gestured for his 'guest' to leave. Taking it as a sign of defeat from the brat, the man was elated, at last he thought, he'd have the man of his dreams and soon with the brat gone he'd be the one living in this cosy home. So just to add insult to injury he introduced himself, "And I'm Matt by the way, nice meeting you in person, officially." With that the man who called himself Matt left.

After Matt had gone, Near slumped down onto the floor deep in his own thoughts. A few minutes later, Near mobilised himself and shortly afterward, left the house as well.

* * *

Mello arrived home late again today. But today was going to be different, he was going to tell Near the truth today, but what he found upon entering the house was that it was empty. Near wasn't home. And that was alarming because Near never left the house alone, in fact he hated it, he said it was uncomfortable and possibly dangerous. And rightly so because Near was very shy and was borderline autistic. So as fear and panic struck Mello he hastily dialled the number to the mobile phone he'd given Near not too long ago. Mello's heart plummeted when he heard the ringing of Near's phone, it lay there on the bedside table Near always put it on.

Panicking, Mello turned the house upside down searching every nook and cranny but still no luck. But then something alerted him when he was searching the kitchen area, he could faintly pick up the lingering smell of cigarette smoke, and Mello knew he hadn't gone to see 'him' today, so that could only mean…

Fingers furiously punched the buttons on his mobile phone. Barely a second after the dialler tone rung came:

"Hey Mels," beamed from the other side, "Where are you babe? Are you comin' over tonight? I've got a new box of your favourite chocolate!"

"Fuck you Matt," came the terse reply, "You know I forbade you from going to my house. You know I explicitly told you never to come here. And you did, don't even think of lying to me, I can tell you've been here, I can smell the smoke from your cigarettes!"

Caught red-handed Matt immediately changed tunes, responding in a raised voice, "What the hell Mels! You promised to leave that little freak! We spoke about this remember? You always said whenever we had sex that you would break it off with the kid and we'll be together! Come on babe, alright, I'll admit I went there, but I wasn't trying to intimidate him or whatever, I was just-"

"Fuck off, I know what you were here for! Now tell me where he is and what you've done to him! I swear Matt if you'd touch a hair on him I will break it off with YOU!"

"Wait, Mels, what are you talking about? When I left he showed me the bloody door! He was still the perfectly composed little freak when I left as when I entered! I don't know where he is! For fuck's sake Mels, I'm telling the truth!"

Mello's heart sank further still. He could tell Matt was telling the truth. So arose the alarming question where was Near?

After a tense few minutes lost in his own thoughts Matt spoke up, apparently he was still on the line, anxiously waiting for a response. "Mels? You okay babe? Look, why don't I come over and I'll help you look for the kid okay? Let me make it up to you for _disobeying_ you…"

A flash of anger erupted in Mello; that word, 'disobeying', was one of those terms they'd used in their lust filled sessions. Reminded of his guilt he lashed out, "Just stay away from me!" I don't want you anywhere near me!" And with that he hung up. Screw Matt, he'd had enough of him for one day. Right now his main objective is to locate Near...

* * *

Slumped by a toilet bowl too filthy to describe, Near vomited profusely, the overall rank stench of the stall he was in adding to the nausea, making him puke even more. Eventually he lost consciousness and fainted on the toilet floor.

* * *

Dropping off all his stuff Mello decided he wasn't possibly going to find Near all by himself so he was going to make a missing persons report with the police. Realising he would a photo to circulate around town Mello paused then exclaimed under his breath, he doesn't have a photo of Near, save for the one he was released with from the orphanage but that one was out of date. Feeling sick to his stomach he had no choice but to take that one photo anyway, pausing one last time as he glimpsed at the photo in his hand, the only one Near had allowed be taken simply because it was Mello himself who took it - a picture of a boy whose face showed unwavering love and adoration. How Mello hated himself now.

Without hesitation Mello raced to the police station, only to find Matt had anticipated that and was standing outside the station waiting for him to arrive. With an apologetic look he approached cautiously Mello and tentatively said,

"Look, I know what you said, but what's more important now is that we find the kid agreed? So let's just go look for him now, come on, I'll help you find him…" while tugging at Mello's arm, away from the police station.

Typical, thought Mello, obviously Matt wouldn't want police involvement, not when the troubled adult already had a list of offences to his name. Normally he would have gone with Matt; he knew and understood that any more bad rep on his sheet could potentially land him on serious trouble. And the look on Matt's face clearly showed that fact, but right now Near was his main concern so Mello yanked his arm free and darted into the station. He was heading straight for the front desk when Matt caught him by his pants legs and tripped him causing them both to fall to the floor, and instantly a brawl started.

"Fuck off," roared Mello; violently trying to shove Matt off of him but Matt clung onto him tightly, pleading with Mello: "Please! Let's just settle this outside!"

Before things could escalate three officers came out and subdued them both. One of them said: "What in God's name are you doing? Fighting, inside a police building? What, have you completely lost your minds? I'm putting you both under arrest for disruption of the peace, within a government building."

"Wha- Wait! I came here to ask for help in locating a friend of mine! He's been missing since this afternoon! He's a special needs boy!"

After considering Mello for the moment the chief officer said "Alright, we'll dispatch some officers to look for the boy, in the meantime you will be put into lock-up, both of you, separately."

Meanwhile as the officers were being dispatched to different areas of London, Mello was allowed to leave the holding cell momentarily as he spoke to a lady officer, Officer Lidner, a no-nonsense woman who Mello could tell was a proficient policewoman, but scary still nonetheless. The only time she ever spoke was when she was asking Mello questions:

"Name?"

"Mihael Keehl."

"Age?"

"22."

"Occupation?"

"…."

"I asked, what is your current occupation?!" repeated Officer Lidner, tapping her fingers on her computer keyboard impatiently.

"A private investigator in a small firm…"

At the mention of being a PI, Mello could see the smugness in Officer Lidner's face. " _Of course as a private investigator I would be so incompetent that I would need police assistance in finding a missing person. She'd probably gloat about it any second now,"_ thought Mello. He wasn't wrong.

"Oh? And why would a PI need official police help? Can't you find this person on your own?" came the snide remark.

Naturally Mello already had a retort in his mind but for the sake of finding Near as soon as possible Mello calmly replied, "I try not to mix business with my personal life. Now, I know the drill in filing a missing person report, so I know that that isn't part of the usual questions to ask a distraught person wanting to find a missing family member. So can we get on with it?"

Officer Lidner clearly did not like being put in her place, by a PI no less, so she produced a sheet of paper and asked Mello to describe Near and the details of his disappearance. Minutes later he'd finished writing everything he could to picture Near and during that entire time he was writing Mello felt increasingly angry, first at Near for pulling such a stunt, then at Matt for provoking Near, again at Matt for being at the heart of all this trouble, and finally at himself for going with it anyway. So by the time he went back into his cell besides Matt, he was well and truly in a foul mood.

Sensing Mello's animosity the two sat silently for nearly half an hour before Officer Lidner appeared, her brows drawn into a deep frown. As she approached the holding cell Mello leapt up, knowing that they'd found Near, but Officer Lidner's bore bad news: "We found a boy fitting the description you provided, he was admitted into the Emergency Centre at the city hospital two hours ago, he was found unconscious in a public toilet stall near the London Eye…"

" _London Eye?"_ thought Mello, _"But Near suffers from motion sickness! Going there would be suicidal!"_ At that thought Mello's mind went numb, suicide, that's what Near had tried to do, he tried to kill himself. Sinking to his knees Mello pleaded softly to be let go, he begged to be taken to the hospital, he begged to be allowed to see Near.

At the back of the cell Matt slumped down onto the bench. A flash of guilt crossed his mind; this wasn't his intention, he hadn't meant for things to go this far. But that guilt quickly turned into hatred, and in his mind he thought, _"That little shit, he probably pulled this crack stunt to get Mello back!"  
_

At that moment the chief inspector showed up, and upon seeing Mello's genuine concern he sympathised with him and agreed to let him off. But they wanted to hold Matt for longer, because they wanted to ask him a few questions about his recent activities. Apparently he was connected to some petty thefts done in the poorer areas of the city and the police wanted information from Matt regarding the case. Matt protested heavily at this and it was his turn to plead to Mello, asking Mello to take him with but Mello didn't even spare him a glance back, he just walked out and walked away as hurriedly as possible.

* * *

Mello arrived at the hospital and the sight in front of him rent his heart in two. Near appeared sedated, strapped down on his bed and had bandages covering his left arm; clearly he had resisted and struggled with the doctors who were probably trying to get a drip into him; Near was afraid of putting anything into his body. Mello noticed the oxygen mask had slipped some so he motioned to place it more securely when Near's eyes jerked open, darting every which way in panic and then as he saw Mello terror shone in them. Never in his life had he ever seen Near look at him that way, most times his gaze would be impassive, or on rare occasions his eyes would light up but this was new to Mello, Near had never shown fear of Mello until now. And he didn't know what to do about it.

"Mello," croaked Near, "Why are you here?"

"Shh… You've got a sore throat, we'll talk later okay? For now just rest, and if you promise not to thrash, I will get the nurses to remove your straps to make it more comfortable for you alright?"

"Mello, why are you here?" repeated Near.

"I should be asking you that," Mello said firmly, "Why are YOU here? And why did you leave the house? Why did you go to the London Eye? Why are you doing this to yourself?" raved Mello. "But let's not talk about that now, you do need rest. I will get the nurses to loosen your bonds now."

Soon after the nurses undid the bonds Near sprang into action, his hand reaching to rip out the offending needle from his flesh but Mello reacted just as quickly, lunging onto Near, pinning him down. Near bucked and for a moment managed to throw Mello off but Mello recovered and got on top of him again, pressing down harder this time. The nurses rushed in to administer a sedative and while waiting for it to take effect Near gripped at Mello's shirt, holding him close.

While he was still conscious he whispered, "Mello, do you hate me? Is that why you couldn't tell me?"

After a moment of silence Mello thought Near had fallen asleep, but the Near spoke up again, saying "I had known all along Mello, I didn't ask because I wanted Mello to tell me yourself. Mello would try hard, I know, to cover the traces of cigarette smoke on your clothes. It worked, yes, but Mello I could still smell it on you. I see also, the scratches on Mello's back, the small bite-marks hidden behind your shirt, the bruising of your lips…"

Taking a deep breath he continued, "Mello asked, why I would go there, to the Eye. Remember Mello, that we went there before and you had said-"

"I said whoever goes to the Eye alone and manages to come out unfazed is heartless, and doesn't need anyone else in life…" came Mello's stunned response.

"I tried Mello… I tried to tell myself that I can let Mello go; I tried to see if I could live on my own, but I couldn't… But I know I have to, I know, so I need to g-"

The grip on Mello's shirt went lax, and Near went limp underneath him. As he rose to face Near, and this time that same emotionless façade struck harder at him than it ever had. . Just at that moment his phone rang, the caller ID showed it was Matt, presumably out of the police station by now. Going against his better judgement Mello took the phone outside and answered the call. Matt on the line sounded drunk.

"Mel-looo! Hey, how's the little fella eh? Is he alive hmm?"

Concerned for his safety despite recent events Mello replied, "Matt, you're drunk. Go home. And stop drinking for fuck's sake; you know what you're like when you're drunk. You become a danger to yourself and to others. Stop drinking and get yourself home."

Just then over the phone Mello could hear shouting but it was faint, as if a strong wind was muffling the sound. Fearing the worst Mello demanded "Where are you now Matt?"

"Hhehe… Where do you think I am, smartass investigator? You think you can find me? You game?" taunted Matt, shouting over the phone.

Looking back he saw Near lying there because he'd attempted to kill himself. On the phone was another person threatening to kill himself. Torn between the deep love he felt towards Near and the passion he had for Matt, Mello made the decision to hurry to Matt's side and for the meantime and just stop him from doing any more rash things.

Mello arrived quite late, his cab got stuck in the party district and he had to continue on foot so by then Mello was breathless and aching all over. But the ache was soon forgotten as he saw atop the flats Matt lived in was Matt himself; legs dangling precariously over the edge. A crowd of onlookers had gathered and there were gasps of alarm as Matt stood up on the ledge, wildly gesticulating to somebody also on the roof. Somebody was up there with him, probably trying to persuade him to come down.

" _This is bad,"_ thought Mello, _"Whoever is up there may be making things worse…"_

There were people in the gathered crowd too who were making things worse, shouting obscene curses, daring him to jump, egging him on. Mello felt an intense urge to clock the guy square in the face but instead he took a deep breath and ascended the stairs as quickly as he could, hoping to God that he would make it up to the roof in time to save Matt.

After nearly slipping on the twelfth floor and then again losing his footing in a puddle of something gross and slimy, Mello made it up to the roof, bursting through the doors where Matt was being confronted by a young woman he'd seen before; and then Mello recognised her, she's the one who lived the flat opposite Matt's.

* * *

"But Matt! There is so much more you can do in your life! Please! Don't go throwing it away!" screeched the girl, tears streaming down her face. Evidently Matt meant more to her than she'd ever shown, not even Matt had known it seemed, he looked genuinely perplexed as to why his neighbour cared so much.

"Leave me alone Linda! I don't care what you think! I only want-" At that moment Matt spotted Mello and froze. Relief and joy washed over his face and then fear for Mello looked pissed, he was absolutely too looked intimidated by Mello's anger. "Mels, you came… I was thinking you wouldn't come…" said Matt wistfully.

"Come down and get off that ledge, now."

Matt shook his head, "No!"

"Then what, you want me to come up there with you? You want us both to kill ourselves? Are you realistically expecting that because I am telling you now I am not going to do that, I am not going to kill myself, not for you, not for anyone."

"Not even for your precious little twerp?" spat Matt.

"Why would I kill myself for him? If I died, who would take care of him? No, I will not kill myself for Near. Now, get off that ledge and come down!" Mello yelled, his impatience growing by the minute.

Matt took a long gulp from the bottle of beer in his hand, swaying dangerously on the narrow ledge of the building. As Mello and Linda were forced to watch him pitch to and fro a sudden gust of wind threw Matt of balance, so he fell.

Linda screamed, as did the crowd of onlookers below, but Mello had sprang forward and by extreme chance caught Matt's hand. But Mello had no strength to pull him up, the physical exertions of the day were taking its toll on Mello's body and slowly he was losing his grip on Matt's hand.

"Matt!" he shouted, "Give me your other hand!"

Linda had now stopped her hysterics and tried to help, holding out her hand and saying "Matt please! Give me your hand, we'll get over this, you'll get over this, please!" Linda had begun to cry again and in desperation she blurted out, "I love you Matt! All this while I had secretly been in love with you! So please, give me your hand…"

Matt looked up, his eyes welling up in tears. He looked to Mello expectantly, saying "What about you?"

A tense silence followed that question because Mello hadn't given it much thought so he wasn't sure how he felt for Matt. When he first met the man, he was just having a drink at the bar and it wasn't even a gay bar but there he met Matt. Mello doesn't even remember what they'd chatted about at the bar or how he agreed to follow Matt home but he did recall the sex. He did recall the heat of their bodies, the sweat on their skin, the moans that rang sweetly in his ears and the throes of pleasure he felt with Matt. But love? He doesn't remember ever saying he loved Matt, he'd always leave straight for home after those lust-filled sessions. Because at home was-

"Matt!"

Brought back to reality Mello by Linda's cries watched in horror as Matt's hand slipped away and without thinking Mello dove after him. Clasping onto Matt's hand, they both fell and as they did so Matt was smiling as he shouted over the passing wind "I knew you loved me!"

But then realisation set in and as Matt registered the fact that they were both falling to their deaths Matt made a split second decision, he wasn't going to let his love Mello die. There was no time to berate himself over his selfishness so he jerked his body, manoeuvring himself to be under Mello, hoping against hope that somehow he could cushion the fall. One last time he looked at Mello's face, but Mello's eyes were already shut, so he whispered into the wind, "You're such an asshole."

The descent was short, and the flats being only 8 stories high meant Mello didn't even have the time to whisper his apologies to Near so he simply closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. But he did manage to catch what Matt had said to him before they both hit the ground.

* * *

It was only after a few days since the incident that Near finally prised his eyes open, the dim lighting still painful to his eyes all the same. But he knew he had to make a move. He had been floating in and out of consciousness and remembers hearing hushed yet urgent whispers:

". . . injured pretty badly. . . doesn't make it, who's paying for . . ."

"Guess the kid's going to the foster care system . . . already 18 though . . ."

Based on what he'd overheard Near surmised that Mello had been in an accident of some kind and was possibly dying. So one night, with all the strength he could muster Near rose out of the hospital bed, shakily he got on his feet holding the bedside railings trying to steady himself. After a few steps forward Near felt a tugging at his arm; it was the IV drip, he had forgotten about it but rather than ripping it out as he would have done usually he took the IV stand with him to use as support.

Near's pace was excruciatingly slow. It was a wonder why no nurse or attendant had yet found him and returned him to his ward especially since he had to stop every few minutes as his legs were still weak. Worse still, he didn't even know which ward Mello was in, but he knew to narrow his search first to the trauma unit. Getting there meant he had to go down in an elevator and for that one time Near felt unsure if he could do it. The cramped space of the elevator was sure to remind him if his experience in the London Eye. Just thinking of it made his stomach twist painfully. But Near desperately needed to see Mello, so he stepped into the polished chrome casket of vertical movement; headed for the trauma centre.

When the elevator dinged at its arrival of the selected floor, the sound could not be more welcome to Near who was close to hurling again. So out limped Near at the lobby of the trauma centre and the scene could not be more different than what he'd seen on his floor the gastroenterology unit. Here there was a commotion happening every few minutes or so, patients being wheeled in and out of surgery, patients groaning in pain, some were screaming, some were thrashing, and some crying even. The general amount of noise and activity disoriented Near and for a moment he couldn't move from that spot where he stood, so rooted he was in his shock that he didn't register the elevator announcing the arrival of another load of people behind him.

"Excuse me!" came a voice from behind Near, it was a male nurse and upon seeing Near he took him by the arm and away from the lift lobby. "Excuse me, umm, let's see…" said the nurse as he read the name on Near's wrist tag, "…Nate, what are you doing here?"

Having been caught Near decided to come clean and state his purpose honestly. So he said monotonously, "A Mihael Keehl was admitted not too long ago. He is my guardian and I overheard some nurses saying he's been involved in an accident. I have come to see him."

At the mention of the accident Near saw the nurse's line of sight shift fleetingly to the wards right of the lobby. If the situation was known even to this trainee nurse as Near had observed then the situation was more grim than he had thought.

Surprisingly, the nurse was rather forthcoming himself, and pointed towards a ward room BB-1, saying "He's in there," and as he spoke he held Near by the shoulders and continued, "But he's in a real bad way. Do you want me to lead you there?"

"That won't be necessary," Near replied immediately, "I can manage on my own."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I won't be taking any more of your time-" pausing for a moment and after scanning around the nurse's person he finished, "-Gevanni."

"Very well then, but remember to summon the nurses' assistance should anything come up are we clear?"

"Yes."

That short conversation had been good for Near, for one he gained a better insight as to the severity of Mello's situation for which now he could prepare himself mentally and another was that the brief time he had been seated had allowed him to rest his tired legs a bit.

Slowly then, Near walked to ward BB-1, the ward itself had no lights on but the light from the corridor shone in and that was enough for Near to see a figure, heavily bandaged from head to toe, lying prone on the bed. Instinctively Near inched forward, and just a foot shy of the bedside a sharp pain erupted in his left arm, he'd forgotten about and had let go of the IV stand he was attached to so now it was tugging his arm painfully. Very gently he pulled the stand towards him and after having regained his support Near shuffled right beside of the bed, standing there for a solemn moment as he watched the rising and falling of Mello's chest; the monitors beeping loudly in the background.

When his legs began to complain of discomfort for standing too long, Near grabbed the nearest chair to sit on and then continued on his vigil over Mello.

After some thought, Near reached out and did something he'd never done before, he went to touch Mello. Due to Near's personality he was never fond of close contact and though Mello had always been allowed to touch him, he was never the one to initiate it. Since today would be the last time he'd ever see Mello Near wanted to feel Mello just this once. So, as he softly skimmed his fingers over Mello's bandaged face Near remarked with no small amount of surprise, odd sensation of touching Mello's skin. With his fingertips he traced the outlines of Mello's face, every line, every ridge, and every curve. Where Mello's skin showed Near etched into his memory the softness of that flesh, the smoothness of that skin, the faint warmth emanating from it.

Near then stood and tried to lean over and give his first and last kiss on Mello's lips but the railing pressing up on his abdomen was causing him great pain so instead he kissed two fingers, touched Mello with them, then walked slowly away. He never went back down to ward room BB-1 ever again.

In the days that followed Near recovered much of his strength quickly, he was eating solids again and after the most recent check-up which showed good progress Near voiced his wish to return home. At first the doctor had refused, stating that Near needed adult supervision but Near countered that he was legally an adult as he had become 18 years old already. Then the doctor suggested that Near be put through psychological evaluation for his attempted suicide but Near alleged that it wasn't and adamantly insisted he be let go. Finally the doctor relented on the condition that Near signed an agreement to waiver the hospital's responsibilities should anything happen later. Naturally Near agreed to it, and by the time all the paperwork had been dealt with and approved it was late evening a day later when Near slowly navigated his way out of the hospital.

Just as the elevator door closed behind Near, who was now standing at the entrance of the hospital, at that same moment several floors up an elevator door opened at the gastroenterology unit and out walked Mello, looking for Near.

* * *

"I'm sorry Mr Keehl, I'm afraid the patient Nate Rivers insisted he be discharged, against medical advice."

As the nurses explained to Mello what had happened, all he did was stand there in silence, his face betraying no emotion. The nurse had begun to speak again when Mello raised his hand signalling for the nurse to stop, thanked her quietly then slowly walked away. When he got back to his own ward Mello sat on his bed and stared at the broken body lain in the bed besides him; Matt had cushioned most of the fall, resulting in Mello only suffering a dislocated shoulder and minor concussions. But in turn Matt's life was hanging by a thread; most of his bones were shattered and he had ruptured no less than both his lungs, his spleen and one kidney.

Matt had yet woken up since the fall so aside from the CAT scan, which held little clues, there was no way to ascertain if there had been any brain damage either. In short Matt's life in the future will definitely involve intensive care upwards of a few years if not for the rest of his life. So again Mello was torn between looking for Near, and caring for Matt. It was an exact reversal of the situation he had been in a week before but somehow he couldn't bring himself to leave Matt's side this time in the same way he left Near's then.

Mello knew the longer he procrastinated the further Near would have gotten, no way was Near going to go back to the apartment and carry on living like they did. Near in that sense was just as prideful as Mello was. But he couldn't he simply couldn't bring himself to leave Matt, not when he was the direct cause for the condition Matt was in now.

But then the agonising silence was broken by a familiar voice, it was Linda's. "How is he?" she asked as she stood by the doorway, probably too afraid to walk in to see properly the full extent of the injuries Matt suffered.

Having not spoken much at all since the accident Mello's voice was uncharacteristically faltering, as he choked out "I don't know... The doctors won't say anything specific..."

"How are you?"

"I don't know... Near's gone, Matt's looking forward to a life possibly bound to a wheelchair and intensive care… And all I got was a dislocated shoulder and a bump on the head. You tell me, how am I?"

"Well," she said, trying to sound positive, "that doesn't sound too bad, it's just a minor injury…"

Suddenly Mello flared up, angered by Linda's optimism "Haven't you been listening to anything I said? Are you fucking deaf?!"

Amazingly Linda didn't even flinch, because she understood that Mello's anger wasn't meant for her but at himself. So coolly she offered, "Why then aren't you going out to look for this Near? I take it whoever he is, he is important to you. I will stay here with Matt, it's not as if he can go anywhere at the moment. So go. Now."

Mello looked up at Linda and understood what she meant; she will look after Matt from now on. And she didn't want Mello around Matt anymore.

In a flash Mello leapt up from the bed and was out the door in no time, but suddenly he turned on his heels to Linda's surprise he fished out a credit card and handed it to her, but Linda refused it, saying "There's no need for that, I won't accept your money."

"This isn't for you; it's to pay for Matt's hospitalisation and medical fees."

"I have already paid for both in full."

Shocked, Mello asked "But how?"

"I'm actually a very successful painter and with the money gotten from selling my paintings or commissions I had done I have paid for Matt's fees completely. I am fully capable of supporting us both now." And with that final word Linda turned her back on Mello and closed the ward room door.

Mello realised then that he had severely underestimated Linda and with that he felt a huge burden was lifted off his shoulders knowing Matt was now in capable hands. Without even going through the proper procedures Mello simply walked out of the hospital unnoticed and headed back to the apartment.

Because the hospital was a distance away, Mello had to call a cab and throughout the 10 minute drive, aside from the muted thrumming of the cab engine the only other sounds were Mello's own mumblings. He was absolutely certain Near would try and run away, there was no doubt about it. What bothered Mello was what he was going to do when he found Near, would he try and stop him, or would he let Near go? In the first place, why would Near ever want to have anything to do with him anymore? Before he could decide though, the cab had arrived, and so after paying the cabbie, Mello had, for the first time in a week plus, returned home. And just like the last time he came home, Near was gone as well.

" _But a home without Near wasn't home…"_ thought Mello. And a home without Near, isn't home at all. With that final thought Mello made up his mind and proceeded to apply his investigative skills to trace Near's whereabouts.

The first place he looked was the closet and there Mello found most of Near's clothes were still there. _Most of them._ Carefully taking stock of what there was and what was missing provided useful clues: a winter coat was taken, meaning wherever Near was headed was a temperate place. It couldn't have been very far north as Near had not taken his earmuffs or mittens. But that was all the clues Mello could discern, Near had consciously made sure little to no clues were left. Finding no more clues in the bedroom Mello turned his attention to the other areas of the house, maybe Near had taken something else as well.

As it turned out, Near had indeed packed a variety of things. Altogether Near had taken enough equipment to easily set up a camp in the countryside for weeks which meant told Mello that Near intended to stay below the radar. This worried Mello a lot, he wasn't sure if Near even knew how to survive in the wilderness. But Mello had a glimmer of hope, Near doesn't have any money so the nearest place to stop by at least was the park.

But not a moment after walking out the door Mello burst back into the apartment, and was in a flurry of motion. Mello had decided, since Matt will have Linda to take care of him and with Linda's own dismissal on top of that, he will leave London and go wherever Near went. In one way or another he will make amends with Near.

" _Near and I will never share that same passion as I did with Matt, but there are always more ways to make up for it. Yes, where Near goes I go…"_ thought Mello. Thus with his mind made Mello had, within minutes, stuffed a duffel bag with all the necessities Mello thought they'd need. Having slung the bag over his shoulders Mello gave the apartment one last look before he walked out of their home for the last time. At first Mello planned to take his motorcycle and pick Near up before going to wherever it was Near wanted to go but that would mean bypassing the route Near would have walked hence prompting Mello to walk too.

Trusting that Near wouldn't have walked in unlit areas, Mello started off running but soon the weight of his rucksack on his bad shoulder made running difficult and not wanting to injure himself again Mello took to walking briskly. Whence arriving at the park Mello spied what appeared to be a person slouched in front of a campfire, and thinking that to be Near Mello bounded across grabbing the person by the arm but the person was not Near, it was some unknown beggar.

The beggar was a bespectacled old man but despite his appearances the beggar still had enough strength to shove Mello away and then stood defiantly in front of his possessions, gesticulating wildly and shouting, "Oi, what gives eh?"

Mello wanted to walk away and not cause a scene but a second glance at this old beggar's possessions alarmed Mello; the camping gear laid out looked identical to the ones Near had taken with him.

Mello politely asked the man, "Where'd you get all that stuff?"

Defensively the old man spat "It's none of your business! How and when me comes about it has nothing to do with you!"

Since being polite did little to aid the conversation Mello opted to go on the attack, speaking in a loud enough tone for passers-by to hear "You came about these things you say? Meaning you stole them? Explain yourself now or I'll report you to the police!"

Mello's threat had worked and had cowed the beggar into relative silence. But instead of offering an explanation the beggar tried to run away however Mello caught a hold of the beggar and in Mello's grasp the beggar pleaded, "Oh please let me go kind sir! Me's not been stealing no stuff! A kindly young chap bequeaths it to me!"

"And what did this young man look like?" said Mello through gritted teeth.

"Umm…"

Shaking the beggar roughly Mello yelled, "Tell me!"

"Well, umm… The young chap was an odd one I'd give ya, all white he was and I's means it sir, his hairs all white, even he's skin was a pale. Di'n't look like he was of the best o' health he was…"

"And where did you see this young man headed to?!"

"After he came up to me and gave me all him's belongings he left the same ways as he'd come sir; through the main gate…"

Mello loosened his grip on the beggar and proceeded to rummage through the items Near had given away because it seemed that Near had not given everything away which the beggar later confirmed by saying "He kepts some stuff with him when he left sir, a small bag he did."

Mello knew he couldn't afford to be delayed any longer, the longer he stayed here puzzling things out the further away Near would have likely gotten. So Mello bid a hasty retreat from the park, telling the beggar he could keep the camping gear and apologising for causing a ruckus. After having thanked Mello profusely the beggar then began to pack away his new belongings but before he slipped away into the bushes the beggar offered one last titbit of information.

"You know sir," sounding altogether like a different person, "The boy did strike a hard bargain, he insisted I give him 45 pounds for all the stuff he has given me… Which I did of course…"

That's when it all clicked in place, Near had intentionally packed superfluous gear, he wasn't going to camp out, he was fleeing the country! What's more, all this narrows down the possible places Near can be to just one: the Eurostar trains.

* * *

Near couldn't help but fidget as he sat waiting for the train that would take him away to a new life on his own. He had it all planned out already; he would first set himself up in a youth hostel and then find some part-time work. Becoming a waiter perhaps. He knew he would have to invest in some coloured clothes and at one point even, contemplated dyeing his hair. He would avoid the busier city centres of course, lest he bump into-

Before Near could even voice out his fears, slumping beside him sat Mello. Puffed out and gasping for air all the while clutching at his sore shoulder, Mello turn his gaze to Near and in an instant took hold of Near's arm and sat him squarely back on his seat.

"Hold on a minute will you? The train's not due for another 4 minutes," groaned Mello.

With a wide-eyed look Near's hand trembled as it tentatively took hold of Mello's face, squeezing and squishing Mello's face as if to check he weren't dreaming. It didn't take long for Near to conclude that the person he saw back at the hospital was the man Mello had been having sex with. Disgusted at himself for what he'd done back at the hospital Near launched into frenzy of thrashing and screaming, attracting the attention of all the other people in the station.

Suddenly from the crowd that had been watching a voice shouted, "Call the police! There's a man attempting to kidnap a boy!"

"Am not! I'm the boy's legal guardian! You just shut your face and-"

"Mello I feel like throwing up…" whispered Near urgently, hunching over Mello's lap. Choosing to ignore the indignant man in the crowd Mello rushed Near towards the lavatories. Once in there Near lurched towards the nearest stalls, stumbling into the first vacant with Mello tailing him closely behind. As Near retched Mello fought to urge to hurl as well and tried to maintain his composure, patting Near's back to soothe him.

Once the sick feeling was gone Near again was beginning to lose consciousness. As his weight began to drag him down onto the dirty floor a thought occurred to Near: his clothes, how was it still clean after all this time?

* * *

Mello watched Near as they both sat in the train and noted how Near had changed in these recent weeks as if he'd become this totally different person. Mello could have sworn a month ago that Near was still a child; small, meek and helpless. But sitting beside him now was a young man unsure of his future but bravely facing it all the same. The Near he'd known would never have been so brazen to go out on his own, to talk to strangers and barter with them no less and would certainly not have dared to take a train. Not even one that travelled as smoothly as this Eurostar one.

As soon as Mello thought that though the train gave an uncharacteristic judder, perhaps it had gone over something on the rails. This had awoken Near but before his motion sickness could trigger another incident Mello scooped up Near and held Near closely to his chest whispering words of comfort.

"Hey," crooned Mello, "I know you will find it hard to forgive me and that's fine but I just want you to know that I am never letting you go. I'm not going to leave you, and I'll go wherever you go and if that means leaving the country so be it."

"And am I to believe Mello will cease to indulge in Mello's lustful behaviour? Am I to believe that it would simply be just because Mello is in another country?" came the cold reply.

"Sex is not all there is to being in love Near."

"Sex is not there at all, being in love with me."

"Wouldn't you even give it a try?" Mello whined.

Slowly Near pushed himself up to face Mello. He had known from the very start, when that day Mello had come to pick Near up from the orphanage a few years after having 'graduated' himself as Roger puts it, he'd known that the Mello he remembered wasn't the Mello in front of him. Adulthood had changed Mello and Near was foolish enough to think Mello would stay the same.

" _I will have to play it by his rules now; his adult-world rules. After all, even I am an adult now so actually this is the only way to play it…"_ contemplated Near. With that in mind Near intoned, "Then I wish to be reassured of your promised fidelity, marry me."

Not missing a beat Mello replied immediately, "Yes dear."

* * *

 **A/N: Clearly there are questions that have yet been answered but I will leave it to your imagination how it all went. Sorry yeah? Oh, and do feel welcome to drop a word or two if you happen to have anything to say. Reviews do improve my mood drastically.**


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